


Find My Way

by pkmnshippings



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alisa is an angel, Angst, Bullying, Captain Inuoka, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Lev misses him, M/M, Nekoma is wonderful, Non-Linear Narrative, Protective Siblings, Time Skips, Unhappy Childhood, Yaku is in University, childhood bullying, could be underage??, i can't believe i actually wrote angst, well implied underage sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pkmnshippings/pseuds/pkmnshippings
Summary: “Hey Lev, why’d you start playing volleyball?”~AKA: I write angst that all started because of a meme tweet, I stan Alisa hard, Shibayama and Inuoka are Great Friends, and All Is Good in the end because fluff is my Brand™





	Find My Way

**Author's Note:**

  * For [osamuus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/osamuus/gifts).



> hey everyone! sorry i've been gone a long time, lots of shitty stuff happened, i'll probably post an explanation on my tumblr soon, but for now, have this fic!  
> i'm trying to get back into writing, and I decided to do that by finishing this wip that has been lying in my folder since last summer - nearly completed.
> 
> it all started because i sent aj a tweet from the hq meme bot twitter, which spiralled into a discussion about an angsty backstory for lev, and then this happened.
> 
> thank you to musicprincess655 for beta-ing for me, and a massive thank you to aj both for the idea for this fic and for your constant encouragement and friendship <3
> 
> for clarity, italics are past events, normal writing is current time, which is when Lev is in his third year of high school.
> 
> also, just to note, there are some unkind comments made in this that could be considered racism. if anything here offends you, please let me know and i'll change it!
> 
> other than that, i hope you all enjoy!

_“I don’t want to play with him, he looks weird!”_

_“Yeah, his arms and legs are so long, he’s like a gross spider!”_

_“I-I’m not!”_

_“You’re not Japanese though, are you?”_

_“I’m half-”_

_“Half doesn’t count! Go away, halfsie, we don’t want to play with you!”_

_“Bye-bye halfsie!”_

_“Halfsie, halfsie!”_

~

Lev dropped his gym bag with a grin, reaching over Inuoka’s bent head to ruffle Shibayama’s hair, knocking his captain’s shoulder as he moved backwards.

“Morning guys!”

Inuoka poked his head up, leaving his laces half-tied to call back an enthusiastic “Hey, Lev!” while Shibayama pouted and tried to force his dark locks back into order.

“Just once, could you maybe not do that?” the libero asked with a sigh, but Lev merely laughed in response, bright and loud in the low noise of the club room.

“You’ll miss me when we leave,” he replied, fishing his volleyball shoes out of his bag and slipping out of his outdoor ones.

By now this was an old routine; the friendship that the pair had solidified in the Spring High match with Nohebi in their first year had blossomed, turned into something filled with more affectionate teasing, which for Lev meant lots of hair-ruffling and using Shibayama as a convenient arm rest. He repaid the favour by carrying Shibayama around on his shoulders when they went to get snacks after practice – the libero hadn’t grown all that much since first year, unlike Lev, who could now proudly declare that he just reached two metres in height.

(Inuoka was still bitter, even though he himself was just shy of 190cm.)

“What do you think we should start with today?” Inuoka asked them when they’d all finished changing and were heading to the gym. He took to the role of captain well, performed strongly there, but the opinions of his fellow third years had always been important to him.

“Spikes and receives,” Lev and Shibayama responded in unison – always on the same page, and the feeling of teamwork - of _comradery_ \- that came with it was still a wonderful and precious thing to Lev, even two years on. He caught Shibayama’s eye, saw his own grin mirrored in his friend’s face, and thought, not for the first time, that he was so glad he decided to come to Nekoma.

~

_Alisa found him in the kitchen, colouring in the book of animal-based scenes their aunt had bought for him last Christmas. Lev had his tongue poking out of his lips, brow furrowed in intense concentration as he fought hard to stay within the lines of the drawings._

_“What are you doing in here, Lyovochka?” she asked, a note of confusion bleeding into her voice as she fetched her shoes from the doorway. “I thought you’d be playing outside.”_

_Lev stopped, crayon hanging in the air as he chewed on his lip. There was no good excuse as to why he was sat inside when the weather was so glorious, but Lev didn’t want to go to the park near their house. He didn’t want to face the children there, and deal with their nasty comments about his height or his limbs or his half-Russian heritage – anything and everything about him that they thought was just too different._

_But he also didn’t want to tell Alisa about it, his sweet, loving older sister who would almost certainly go over and say something – but that would only make it worse. Then they’d say he was afraid on top of everything else, needing someone else to come and protect him because he couldn’t take care of himself._

_“I don’t want to,” Lev muttered after a moment._

_Alisa smoothed down the front of her dress and adjusted the floppy hat that rested atop her hair. The children mocked Lev for his strange silver strands, but Lev knew that no one would ever say the same about Alisa. Even at the tender age of ten, she possessed a graceful beauty that none of the other girls around her seemed able to match. But only her little brother was privy to all aspects of Alisa, including the side of her that loved to climb trees and toss down pinecones for them to play with, no matter how grubby she ended up._

_Lev loved her fiercely._

_But if she knew about the problems he was facing, she’d want to help. She’d get involved, and even though Alisa was older than the children Lev tried to play with, strength could be found in numbers, and Lev would never forgive himself if he let anyone hurt Alisa the way the children were hurting him._

_“Are you sure?” Alisa asked after a moment, moving to lay one dainty hand on his shoulder. She pushed against his arm a little, a quiet sibling code for ‘I’m worried about you’. “I think I saw some of the other kids going to the park earlier.”_

_“…I’ll go out when I’ve finished this,” Lev said, waving his crayon over the page. Anything to make sure Alisa didn’t have to worry about him._

_“Alright,” Alisa poked his shoulder playfully. “Don’t get into trouble, Lyovochka!”_

_“I won’t,” Lev mumbled, wrapping his arms around his sister’s waist tightly. He didn’t want to go without her. But he’d already promised himself he wouldn’t tell her why. “Have fun with Aki-chan.”_

_Alisa ruffled his hair._

_“Thank you,” she laughed, before turning to step out of the door. “I’ll see you later!”_

_Lev tried to take as much time as he could to finish his colouring, but he had always been quite impatient, and it took him less time than he would have liked. As he stared down at the finished artwork, a small part of him debated not going, just staying at home and maybe finishing another colouring – the whole book perhaps. But if he didn’t go, Alisa would find out, and then she’d ask him why._

_Alisa couldn’t know what was happening._

_And so twenty minutes later found Lev hovering at the edge of the grass, watching all the other local kids his age kicking a football around. He wished he’d brought a ball of his own to play with, anything to make him look a little less lonely and a little less desperate._

_Lev’s mother had always told him to give everything in life all that he had, that enthusiasm was attractive and pleasant to be around. Maybe, if he could just be exciting enough, bold enough, if he could convince everyone that he was good at _something,_ things would turn out okay._

_Unfortunately, socialising was not his strong point. He was always putting his foot in his mouth and saying the wrong thing, and he was afraid of doing the same again. But still, he had to try._

_Lev steeled himself, gathered what remained of his frayed nerves, and called out, “Can I play with you?”_

_The kids on the grass turned to him all at once, and Lev fought the urge to cower slightly. Maybe he was a coward._

_“Why does Halfsie want to play with us?” one child asked._

_“Ugly spiders can’t play soccer!”_

_“Ugly _old_ spiders! He’s already got grey hair!”_

_Lev bit his lip and fought hard against the press of tears as the ringleader of the group approached him. If they saw him crying, they’d never let him live it down._

_“Listen, Halfsie! We don’t want to play with someone weird and ugly! You’re no good at soccer! Go play on your own!”_

_With his final shout, he shoved against Lev’s chest, and the silver-haired boy stumbled back a little. He hurriedly turned and fled into the trees, the jeers of the other kids following him as he ran. Once he was safely out of earshot, Lev sank to the floor, buried his face into his knees, and sobbed as quietly as he could._

_So much for everything turning out okay._

~

At lunch, Inuoka appeared in the doorway to Lev’s classroom, grinning widely.

“Come on, Lev!” he called, waving his bento in the air. “Let’s eat on the roof today!”

“Okay!” Lev quickly retrieved his own bento from his bag and set off after Inuoka, his long strides closing the gap easily.

The pair emerged on the roof a moment later, finding Shibayama already waiting there with his own food.

“Hey!” he greeted brightly, kissing Inuoka’s cheek and offering Lev a fist-bump as the pair sat down. “How was class this morning for you guys?”

“Oh man, chemistry is the worst,” Inuoka complained, head falling onto Shibayama’s shoulder. “I don't know how Kuroo-san can actually do it all the time at university.”

“Same way I do,” Shibayama said, stealing a mouthful of Inuoka’s bento. “Demon sacrifices.”

Inuoka shuddered, exchanging a wide-eyed look with an equally disturbed Lev. 

“Letting you and Fukunaga-san get close was a mistake,” he muttered, and Shibayama rolled his eyes. 

“I'm just kidding. Lev, how was your morning?”

“Ah, I barely passed my maths quiz,” Lev admitted sheepishly, before grinning at Inuoka. “But I won't be failing off the team, Captain, don't worry.”

Inuoka matched his grin. 

“Good, or we’d be missing our ace.”

Lev paused for a moment, and let the thrill of the word ‘ace’ wash over him, unable to stop pride from pulling his smile wider. It had been a long road to earn the title, but he'd made it - he was now truly Nekoma’s ace.

“Wait a second,” Shibayama cut in, pointing at Lev accusingly. “Wasn't Yaku-san helping you study for maths?”

“Oh!” Lev beamed at the mention of his boyfriend and nodded vigorously. “Yeah, we video chat and he helps me with it. He's so sweet to do it even though he has university work.”

Shibayama raised an eyebrow. “If Yaku-san is teaching you, then why are you only barely passing maths?”

“Uh…”

“I bet he spends most of the time drooling over his _college boyfriend,”_ Inuoka teased.

Lev felt his ears burn and stubbornly ate from his bento, refusing to give his friends the satisfaction of knowing that they were kind-of-sort-of right. 

Unfortunately, his silence was admission enough, and both boys began to laugh. 

“When are you seeing him again?” Shibayama asked after they'd calmed down. 

“He's coming over this weekend,” Lev said with a soft smile.

“Ugh, you guys are unfair,” Inuoka griped. “We can't have romantic reunions like that when we see each other every day.”

“I think I'd freak out and punch you if you tried to pick me up like Lev does with Yaku-san,” Shibayama said. 

“Kenma-san said the same thing though,” Lev remembered. “But everyone could tell he didn't really mind it when Kuroo-san came home.”

“That's true,” Shibayama admitted, reaching for Inuoka’s hand. “Being apart must be really tough.”

“It is,” Lev agreed. “But it makes seeing them again even better!”

“Alright, we get it,” Inuoka grinned. “You're excited to see Yaku-san again. Try not to keep your neighbours awake.”

Lev spluttered, cheeks burning hotly as Shibayama burst out laughing. After a moment, Lev allowed himself to start laughing too, the light-hearted ease of their jokes burying warmth somewhere deep inside his chest.

~

_Lev had tried as hard as he could, been as careful as he was able, but Alisa still found out the truth._

_He'd come home from yet another awful day at school, where he'd sat lonely and rejected in the corner of the classroom, friendless and entirely ignored regardless of how desperately he wanted to talk to the others. It was practically routine for him by now, and he was almost used to it - almost._

_But isolating him was never enough for the worst of them._

_Today they'd hidden and defaced pages of his books, the week before they'd ruined his lunch, before that was when they'd trashed his nicest set of colours - it never ended with them. Lev had just never suffered enough for them to be satisfied._

_A small part of him had hoped that it would all have ended in junior high. He had always been tall but he was shooting up at a rate far greater than any of the others, and Lev knew his height was intimidating. It certainly seemed to scare a lot of his classmates._

_Yet the children who had grown up around him were not phased. They already knew his weaknesses. They were already aware of how to use his appearance against him, and the more he grew, the more he stood out, the worse their jeering became. Everyone else was too afraid of him or his bullies to come to his defence, and some even admired the children who bullied him, praising their bravery against someone as scary as_ Haiba Lev. __

_He couldn't take much more of it._

_The idea of joining a sports club had come from his father, who thought that it would help him fit in with the other children, and make friends based on common interests. And Lev was athletic - fast and agile - but those talents needed honing. He wasn't a prodigy or a genius, not the type to pick things up in a couple of weeks, and his peers - his peers had a field day with it. Kids who'd been playing sports since elementary school bounced off the taunting of the others and made him feel even worse, mocking his incompetence and refusing to teach him. Over time Lev grew afraid of going to practices or joining any clubs, staying behind to clean or study alone so that his family still thought he was attending._

_It was hard, and going to school each day had become Lev’s own special kind of torture. He was just thirteen, not strong enough to face the world with his head held high when facing constant cruelty._

_He couldn't be blamed for his tears._

_And yet he'd kept them a secret from his family for all his time at junior high. He thought he'd always be able to prevent them from finding out what was happening to him. He didn't need his insecurities on show for them too._

_But Alisa had heard him._

_And now he had his face pressed into her chest, sobs shaking his body uncontrollably now that he didn’t have to pretend that they weren’t there._

_“Lyovochka…” Alisa’s voice was trembling but she didn’t stop stroking his hair. Lev felt awful - he could tell that his sister was worried, afraid for him, but still she didn’t push him for answers. Even when he’d sunk this low, she was patient with him. She trusted him to open up to her when he was ready._

_And so he told her everything. With his sister’s warm embrace shielding him, Lev finally, slowly, began to open up about what had been happening. Alisa listened without interrupting, though Lev could see the sadness in her face. She had always wanted him to be happy, and realising that this had been going on without her knowledge for years hurt. But still, she allowed him to speak._

_When he was finally finished, Alisa pulled him closer. His eyes were sore and his throat felt raw from crying, but a small piece of the weight on his chest had been lifted now that his sister knew the truth. Somehow, it felt like she could fix anything._

_“Lyovochka…” she said softly, after a long while of silence. “Listen to me.”_

_Lev lifted his head to meet his sister’s watery but firm gaze._

_“I’m going to tell you a story,” Alisa began. “And it might surprise you._

_“When I was in middle school, I was bullied a lot too. People don’t like things that are different, and some people were jealous of my hair colour and my heritage, and they took it out on me all the time.”_

_Lev gaped._

_“People bullied_ you?” _he asked. “But you’re so pretty and nice! And you always seem so confident!”_

_Alisa smiled gently, ruffling his hair._

_“You’re sweet, Lyovochka. I made it through that though. I made it through because I made some wonderful friends, and because I talked to mom about what was going on, and she helped me feel better about myself._

_“Do you want to know what my biggest secret was though?” she asked, and Lev nodded earnestly. Alisa smiled, and leaned in closer._

_“I pretended to be confident. I acted like the comments they made didn’t bother me, even when they did, and I told myself all the good things about myself every day. And eventually, after a while, I started believing it.”_

_Lev’s lower lip wobbled, and he scrunched his nose up as fresh tears fell down his cheeks._

_“Do you really think that could work for me though? Will I make it through by pretending to be confident too?”_

_Alisa took his face into her hands, wiping away his tears with the pads of her thumbs._

_“Even if that doesn’t, we’ll find a way to make it through this, okay? I promise, Lyovochka, everything will be alright. We’re Haibas, and Haibas always persevere. We’ll find you a better high school and a better sport where you can be as brilliant as I know you are.”_

_“But what sport?” Lev hiccuped. “No one wants to teach me because I don’t learn fast enough. I’ve tried every sport at school.”_

_“Then we’ll find a sport your middle school didn’t do, and you can start all over again,” Alisa replied. “Lyovochka, I can’t bear to see you so unsure of yourself. You’re so funny and wonderful and I love you so much. I just want you to see that too.”_

_Lev buried his face into Alisa’s hair, playing with one of the strands idly._

_“Can you help me tell mom and dad about what’s been going on?” he asked quietly._

_“Of course I can,” Alisa said, taking his hand. “Come on, Lyovochka._

_“I promise everything will be okay.”_

~

“Morisuke!”

Lev grinned as a sandy head whipped around at his shout, and his boyfriend pushed through the throng of people congregating on the platform to meet him.

“Hello, Le-”

Yaku never got to finish his sentence, as Lev lifted him clean off the ground and spun him around in a delighted circle, squeezing his body in a tight hug.

“I’ve missed you so much!” he exclaimed, setting Yaku back on the ground, where he was promptly kicked in the shin.

“I told you to stop picking me up when you see me again!” he hissed, and then, after a pause, “Now come down here and let me kiss you.”

Lev beamed, and didn’t hesitate to do as his boyfriend requested, gathering Yaku more gently into his arms to press their lips tenderly together. After pulling away, Lev grabbed Yaku’s suitcase with one hand and his boyfriend’s hand with the other, and they began to head back to the Haiba household, making idle chatter as they went.

“Is Alisa home at the moment?” Yaku asked, when they were only a few streets away from Lev’s house.

“No,” Lev answered, “sorry to disappoint you-ow!” He winced, rubbing his side where Yaku had just jabbed him.

“You do know I’m dating you and not your sister, don’t you?” Yaku said, raising his eyebrows.

“I was only joking!” Lev defended. “Alisa is at university and my parents have gone to visit her this weekend. They left while I was still at practice.”

“So we have the house to ourselves?”

“Morisuke-san, how inappropriate,” Lev teased, and laughed as he dodged the next jab that was sent his way by his now spluttering, red-faced boyfriend. 

_“That’s not what I meant,”_ Yaku hissed, pouting when Lev only laughed harder. “Stop laughing!”

“Sorry!” Lev said, trying to calm down. “You’re just so cute!”

Yaku turned redder still, and tore his hand free to stomp the rest of the way to the Haiba’s house on his own, leaving Lev behind, still chuckling slightly.

“I’ll have you know,” Yaku started, when Lev caught up, “that I am not cute.”

“Okay,” Lev said with a fond smile, letting them both in and setting Yaku’s suitcase down in the entryway. “You’re not cute. You’re adorable.”

_“Lieeeeeevuuuuu!”_

Lev yelped as Yaku began chasing him, and the pair started to scramble around the house, Yaku attempting to kick Lev’s knees every time he came close enough.

Eventually, the pair exhausted themselves, and Lev sprawled out on the sofa, allowing Yaku one free, albeit slightly weak, kick before he collapsed on top of his boyfriend.

“Alright,” Yaku panted. “You win. I’m adorable.”

“I know,” Lev said, drawing his arms around Yaku and embracing him softly. Yaku automatically snuggled in closer, and the couple lapsed into a comfortable silence, waiting for their breathing to even out and enjoying the feeling of their bodies being pressed together.

“Morisuke?” Lev broke the silence after a short while, his hand slowly working its way up and down his boyfriend’s exposed arm.

“Hmm?”

“You know before, when you said that you didn’t mean anything by saying that we had the house to ourselves?”

“Yes?” Yaku asked, leaning up on one arm to look at Lev, his hair slightly mussed from where he had been lying. There was a small smile on his face, and Lev couldn’t help but reach out to rest his hand in Yaku’s soft hair.

“Does that mean you’re opposed to it?”

Yaku leaned forwards and kissed Lev softly, before trailing a series of kisses along his jaw and up to his ear.

“Not at all,” he whispered, and pulled Lev upstairs.

~

_After Lev and Alisa explained the situation to their parents, they decided that a fresh start was the best thing for him, away from the bullies of his childhood where he was free to be himself. And with Alisa planning to attend university in Tokyo, and their father’s job forcing him to commute to the city regularly, the Haiba family decided to move to Tokyo, and Lev was enrolled in Nekoma High School, with Nekoma’s volleyball club waiting for him._

_Lev knew very little about volleyball, since there had not been a volleyball club at his middle school, but he had decided to take his sister’s advice to heart, and then aim a little higher._

_He was going to pretend to be confident until he believed it himself, and he was going to set himself a high goal in the club._

_He was going to be the ace._

_Lev was going to proclaim himself the ace of the team, and then one day, no matter how long it took, he was going to make sure it was true._

_And though he was nervous, he put on a brave face, and entered Nekoma’s gym for the first time._

_If he’d known that by taking that first step, he would change his life so completely, Lev might have taken more time to savour the moment._

_As it stood, he bounded inside with all the restless energy he would soon become known for, and began his volleyball career by startling his setter, pissing off the libero_ and _the ace, and sparking a fond bemusement in his captain._

_But they didn’t make fun of him. They were surprised at his lack of experience, but not unwelcoming. They gave up their time to train him. They snapped at him and pushed him because they could see potential in him, and they wanted him to do better. They wanted him on the court with them when they played in tournaments. They enjoyed his company._

_And when he made his first successful spike at an official tournament, and heard the cheering, the praise for his hard work, and the dedication of the wonderful people around him at helping him improve, at last, Lev felt like he was a truly valued part of a team._

~

Later that evening, when they’d finished relearning each other’s skin and the way their lips tasted when they were pressed together, Yaku began to trace idle circles into Lev’s bare chest, the way he always did when he wanted them to cuddle together and talk. Lev hummed questioningly, an invitation for his boyfriend to start a conversation, and Yaku tucked his head beneath Lev’s chin.

“I was thinking the other day,” he started. “And it occurred to me that I never asked you something really obvious, back in your first year.”

“Before we started dating, or after?”

Yaku hesitated, thinking for a moment. 

“Either,” he replied, after a pause. “It’s not really about _us_ and more about _you_.”

Lev nuzzled into Yaku’s hair, smiling widely. 

“That’s sweet, Morisuke-san.”

Yaku head-butted him, and Lev narrowly avoided biting into his tongue. 

“I told you that just Morisuke is fine, idiot,” Yaku hissed. “We’ve been dating for almost two years.”

Lev beamed – hearing it from Yaku was still so wonderful, even now. 

“Sorry. What did you want to ask me?”

“Why did you start playing volleyball, Lev?”

Lev paused, his arms almost subconsciously tightening around Yaku’s form as he debated what to say. The true reason behind his choice of volleyball, and of Nekoma High – they were closely guarded secrets. His rough childhood and all the insecurities that came with it were not something he liked to relive, but –

This wasn’t just anyone asking, this was _Yaku._ His caring, sweet-if-slightly-angry boyfriend, and Lev trusted him with everything.

“Lev?” Yaku had twisted out of his arms slightly, pulling back and leaning onto his elbows to look Lev in the face. His brow was furrowed in concern. “Are you okay?”

Lev averted his eyes. 

“I was bullied a lot when I was younger,” he admitted. Something seemed to lift in his chest with the words, feeling lighter somehow for sharing, and so Lev pushed on. “None of the kids in our neighbourhood wanted to play with me. They said I looked weird, and they called me ‘Halfsie’.”

“Lev…” Yaku’s voice was soft and a little confused as he reached out, but Lev forged onwards regardless. If he stopped explaining now he knew he’d never finish.

“It got worse in middle school. They didn’t have a volleyball team, or a basketball team, so I tried lots of other clubs instead. But I didn’t really pick any of them up very well, and no one had any patience to teach me.” Lev cast his eyes down to where Yaku’s fingers were tangled with his own. “It gave everyone new reasons to bully me. Alisa was pretty much my only friend.”

Yaku found himself abruptly remembering the first time he’d ever visited the Haiba household, and the way Alisa had smiled so brightly at him and thanked him for taking such good care of her little brother. At the time, he’d just thought she was making a vague referral to their age gap, but with Lev’s story, it made a lot more sense. She was grateful because it meant that Lev had people who cared about him outside of their family. She was grateful because Lev had _friends._

Yaku squeezed Lev’s hand, but didn’t speak. He wasn’t sure he trusted his voice.

“That’s why we decided to move right when I finished middle school,” Lev continued. “Mom thought it would be good if I could get a fresh start, at a high school away from all the kids I grew up with. That’s why I came to Nekoma.”

Yaku felt like he was looking at a glass replica of his boyfriend – one wrong word and he’d shatter. But still, Yaku needed to push. Lev had come this far, he could make it through the rest. It would be better for him if he did.

“Why volleyball?” The question felt heavier on Yaku’s tongue this time.

Lev stroked the plane of Yaku’s back with his other hand. Yaku waited and tried not to breathe too loudly.

“Some of the kids used to say that I was so tall I couldn’t even use my own body properly. Mom always told me to put my all into everything I do, but when I sucked so badly at everything it used to piss people off. A lot of my classmates told me I’d never be any good at anything, and I…kind of believed them. Alisa said that volleyball was something I was sure to be good at, because I was so tall. She told me that she used to fake confidence to get over her own bullying, and told me to try it when I started at Nekoma to see if it helped. And _I_ thought that maybe if I just kept saying that I was the ace, I’d stop feeling so useless all the time.”

“Lev.”

This time, when Yaku reached for him, Lev didn’t fight it. He’d said what he needed to say, told Yaku all he was able to, and now he wanted the familiar touch of his boyfriend to comfort him.

Lev folded himself into Yaku’s embrace, trembling but not crying, and Yaku couldn’t help but think he seemed so _small_ like this. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t known, hadn’t even tried to know about all of this pain Lev had carried with him for so long.

“You’re not useless,” Yaku said, the heat in his words matching the heat of the anger that thrummed through him when he thought about all the people who had torn Lev down. “And I’m sorry, if we made you feel worse.”

“What do you mean?” Lev asked in a voice that was shaky but thankfully empty of tears.

“When you first joined the team,” Yaku elaborated, threading his fingers through Lev’s hair. “We told you that you sucked - _a lot._ ”

Lev pulled back and sat upright, tugging Yaku into his lap with an almost frantic urgency. 

“Morisuke, _no._ Please don’t think that anyone on the Nekoma team made me feel worse. You were the first people who were actually patient with me, and tried to teach me instead of just telling me I sucked. You and Kuroo-san were always helping me with my receives. Kenma-san would set for me all the time, even when I could tell he was tired and he didn’t really want to. Nekomata-sensei made me a regular in less than a year. You guys…you were my first friends. You were the only ones who seemed like you actually cared.”

“You idiot,” Yaku said, embarrassed when his voice cracked around tears. “We did care. We could all see how much potential you had. Everyone wanted you to succeed because we knew you could help the team succeed. We were all rooting for you to be the ace.”

Lev began to brush the tears from Yaku’s cheeks, a soft, loving smile on his lips, but he paused at the last statement. 

“Even Taketora-san?”

Yaku rolled his eyes. 

“Especially Yamamoto. He’s not very good at showing it, but he’s really proud of you.”

“I always thought he was mad because I kept saying I had his position.”

Yaku laughed at that. 

“Oh, he was, but having you around pushed him to work harder too. Having you there was good for _all of us,_ Lev. And now you’re Nekoma’s ace because you _deserve_ to be, okay?”

Lev answered by kissing him, deep and rough, sending both of them tumbling back down onto the mattress. 

“Thank you, Yaku-san,” Lev said breathlessly when they pulled apart.

Yaku hummed, threading his fingers through Lev’s hair once more. 

“You haven’t called me that in a long time.”

Lev smiled, the first show of his playful grin since this conversation had started. It made something in Yaku’s chest flutter to see it again. 

“It felt like the right thing to do,” Lev said. “It almost seemed like you’d just been lecturing me about my receives again.”

Yaku huffed and flicked Lev’s forehead. 

“That was nothing. I can show you a real lecture if you like-”

“No, that’s okay!” Lev cried, rolling onto his side and pulling Yaku’s body flush against him. “I think I’d rather just sleep with you.”

“You’ve already done that tonight,” Yaku muttered, and Lev’s shoulders shook with laughter.

“That’s not how I meant it! But are you getting too old for more than one round already, Morisuke?”

_“I will kick you out of this bed.”_

Lev burst out laughing at the threat, and Yaku couldn’t even find it in himself to be annoyed. If it meant that Lev would laugh and smile like that, overjoyed and at ease, and if it meant that he _knew_ someone cared about him, then, well.

For Yaku, that was worth all the teasing in the world.

~

“You know I think you’re beautiful, don’t you?” Yaku asked him the next morning, when they were freshly showered and preparing breakfast together. There was an embarrassed flush high on his cheekbones, but his eyes were completely serious.

Lev beamed, and wrapped Yaku into his arms tightly. He would likely never forget the insults of the children he’d once known. Their words would always haunt him to some degree, phantoms lingering in the back of his mind waiting to pull him into the dark.

But if he had Yaku, if Yaku was willing to stay by his side and tell him how loved he was, then none of that mattered. He could face all of that if he had his friends, and his boyfriend, to help keep him strong.

“I know, Morisuke,” Lev said into Yaku’s sandy hair. His eyes caught on the old picture stuck to the wall, of Nekoma’s volleyball team the day they secured their spot at nationals in his first year. “I know.”

Lev finally had somewhere he belonged.

**Author's Note:**

> WHO ELSE AGREES THAT ALISA IS THE MOST PRECIOUS SISTER EVER?? I'M SO EMO OVER HER I S2G.
> 
> also, the missing-but-heavily-implied smut scene will soon be on the way, courtesy of the lovely @musicprincess655! so keep an eye out for that to be linked on here if that's your thing.  
> EDIT: the smut is now here! it's linked to this story, "Straight To You", for anyone who's interested!
> 
> anyway, thanks so much for reading!
> 
> hmu @pkmnshippings on tumblr or twitter if you ever want to scream at me about hq, or just chat in general tbh! while i've not been around much lately, my ears are always open!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Straight to You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/10948524) by [MusicPrincess655](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicPrincess655/pseuds/MusicPrincess655)




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